


The Avengers Against Nightmares

by Oddly_terrifying_squiggle



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (in the dream), Avengers Compound, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Avengers, Don't do what Tony does, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, They all love each other equally, This happens in whatever timeline you want it to, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony is bad at feelings, i love them, no beta we die like men, they all have nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22378381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oddly_terrifying_squiggle/pseuds/Oddly_terrifying_squiggle
Summary: Tony, Steve, and Bucky all had their issues with nightmares thanks to many past traumatic experiences. But after being together for as long as they had, they’d figured out a system for when either of them had a nightmare. They knew exactly what to do based on who it was, how strongly he reacted, and how long it was taking him to calm down. And it worked great. For the two super soldiers, at least. In all fairness, they thought it worked just as well with Tony, he was just holding back a lot of information. It didn’t matter to him though, he loved his two boyfriends with all his heart, he just never thought he had it as bad as they did.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 327
Collections: God Bless America





	The Avengers Against Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Stuckony fic, also might not be very accurate. Please have mercy. Thanks for reading! <3

Tony was startled awake by tossing and turning at his left side, followed by heavy breathing that soon turned to gasping mixed with mumbled words. Steve had always been a particularly heavy sleeper, while Tony really wasn’t. Not to mention Bucky, who could be woken up by the sound of a feather hitting the ground. The first few times they’d ever slept together didn’t go so well, thanks to Tony’s snoring, and he felt bad at first but now he knew it was like pink noise to Bucky. He felt the mattress shift as Bucky moved to sit up quickly, Tony following suit. They exchanged a worried look from opposite sides of the captain before looking back down at him to see if he was going to wake up.

Steve’s nightmares were widely varied, from the mild common spook all the way to screaming in his sleep until he woke up pumped with adrenaline. Luckily, the two brunets knew what to do for each occasion by now. 

If he was simply restless, maybe a little shaky, they’d squeeze him tighter and pull the covers up to make him feel safer. If it was somewhere in the middle, they’d wait to see if he woke up. If he didn’t, they’d do the same thing that they would if it was mild, but if he did, they’d talk to him to get him to calm down while hugging him tightly. Steve liked to get squished by his boyfriends when he was scared, it gave him some sort of comfort that Tony could understand, himself. It was almost like a weight keeping him grounded, reminding him that he was safe in bed and not being experimented on or attacked in the trenches of war. Now, if Steve was screaming himself awake, Bucky and Tony would have to wake him up as gently as possible, wrap him in the blankets and then their arms, and try to talk him down before he had a panic attack. Either way, seeing him go through his nightmares made Tony’s heart hurt a little. He didn’t deserve anything they did to him. None of it. Tony would go back and kill all those bastards if he could. 

Steve was beginning to get more restless by the second, his mumbles becoming louder and more panicked as he started to sweat. Tony carefully reached down and caressed the blond’s upper arm in an attempt to comfort him, or to gently nudge him awake. The super soldier jolted as soon as he did, sitting up and desperately gasping for breath that he didn’t really need as he looked around to see where he was. His arms were planted right next to his knees, shaking slightly as they propped him up. 

Bucky and Tony moved quickly. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and pulled him closer before bringing up his right arm and combing through that messy blond hair. Tony moved himself so he was straddling Steve’s legs, hooked his arms around his neck, and rested his head on his shoulder. Yeah, he was very sweaty, but Tony didn’t particularly care. They quickly shushed him and told him some reassuring words, assuring him that he was at home, safe, with them. Tony looked up a little at Bucky and chuckled as he was able to see his sleep ridden features fighting to stay awake. He swayed a little before he leaned his head on Steve’s.

Slowly, Steve was able to get a grip on reality. His shaking calmed down and his breathing slowed. He took a few more deep breaths as he shifted, his left hand finding Bucky’s on his waist and locking their fingers together while he wrapped his right arm around Tony in a rib crushing hug. The mechanic turned his head enough so he could plant a kiss on Cap’s cheek, but it landed on his jaw. He guessed he was a little tired, too. Bucky moved, too, and planted his own kiss on Steve’s temple. 

The three of them stayed like that for a while, swaying slightly as the two brunets battled off the tired. They wanted to make sure Steve was okay, and that he wasn’t scared, and that he knew he was safe with them. The comfortable silence grew between all of them, the room quieting down to only their normal breathing. 

Steve was the one that broke the silence, he cleared his throat then began to speak, “Thanks, you two..." His voice was hoarse from all the heavy breathing, “I love you.”

Bucky only hummed in response, clearly too tired to form words. That made the blond chuckle a bit. Tony pulled away so he was sitting upright and was able to look the captain in his beautiful sky blue eyes. Even if it was dark, it seemed like those things lit up the room. 

“We love you, too,” Tony said, his voice riddled with tired that he tried to suppress, “and you don’t have to thank us, you do the same thing for us.” He went back down and snuggled into the crook of his neck after he was done.

Steve nodded slightly before moving his head to the side and planting a soft kiss to the top of Ton’y head. He smiled lazily once he felt it, snuggling a little closer.

“You’re still a little punk, though.” Bucky spoke up with a glint a playfulness in his tone and a grin on his features. 

Tony chuckled with adoration when he saw the Captain smack the other’s arm lightly. Bucky let out a breathy laugh, too. 

“Do you feel like talking about it?” Tony asked.

There was a hesitant moment where he seemed to be pondering it, then “No, there’s nothing to talk about. It’s just the same one I’ve been having recently...” he took a deep breath, “You know, with the, the ice and...” he trailed off.

Tony gave him a comforting squeeze, “It’s okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

A few more peaceful moments went by, and the two brunets were really just draped over Steve rather than hugging him. Tony peeked up at Bucky once again, only to see his head drop as he fell asleep, then jolt back up as he caught himself. Once he was sure Cap was good, the mechanic lifted his head off of Steve’s shoulder and stretched where he was, causing the two super soldiers to look to him in confusion.

He gave them a small smile, “I think Bucky’s tired.” He stated as he peeled himself off of their hug pile. Steve breathed out at the loss of contact but still made to get out of Bucky’s grasp. 

“Yeah, we should probably get to sleeping.” Steve added before pulling back the covers on their bed and pulling them over the three of them as they laid back. “I know you have a busy day tomorrow, Tones, so I need you to get your sleep.” His tone was bossy, as it usually was when he wanted to get Tony’s stubborn ass to listen. What could he say, he was a rascal. 

Still, it annoyed him when he did that. Well, not really annoyed, more just pestered. “Of course, mom.” He shot back as he shifted so he was facing the blond man’s bare chest and moved closer, wrapping his legs around his torso while resting his hands on his chest. 

Steve only shot him a stern look to shut him up while Bucky tried to contain his laughter behind him. The former still wrapped his arms around the mechanic and pulled him closer. 

“Giving me that glare didn’t help your cause, just so you know.” Tony commented once again and earned himself his own little smack on the back of his shoulder. He grinned as he settled down and got more comfy. 

Bucky, too, snuggled closer to Steve and bundled him in his arms, threw a leg over his and rested his head on the back of Cap’s. Almost immediately, Bucky fell asleep, his breathing going softer. Steve followed soon after, letting Tony watch his chest rise and fall slowly as he was giving in to the comforting grasps of sleep. 

Bucky definitely got the worst of it when it came to night terrors. They were intense and hyper realistic because of everything he had to endure with HYDRA. Even hearing about them had Tony a little mortified, what with all they did to him. Bucky never deserved any of it, he should never have had to become a killing machine, he was such a sweetheart and a man who just wanted what was right. Tony guessed that that was why he got along with Steve so well. Plus, he smelled amazing. The three of them really had come a long way. Especially Tony and Bucky, though. It took an extremely long time, but Tony was able to get over the whole revenge thing, and now they were all happy. It was never Bucky’s fault, after all.

Anyway, he was getting off track. When Bucky had nightmares, they were bad. Really, really bad. Whenever he had them, he would always wake up screaming and then go straight into a huge panic attack. On top of that, he usually had dreams within dreams, which was ultimately worse with nightmares, so he’d have a hard time knowing what was real. He’d be sweaty, pumped with adrenaline, disoriented, ugly crying, and scared. The sight never got any less heartbreaking. Tony and Steve had a system for when Bucky had nightmares. They’d try to comfort him, and he’d either let them or push them away. If he did push them away, Steve would stay with him and try to talk him out of his panic attack, while Tony went and made Bucky some of that disgusting tea he liked so much. Yes, he was a tea drinker and it disappointed Tony. But no matter. 

That night, both Steve and Tony were abruptly awakened by Bucky screaming as he lurched to sit upright between them. They scrambled up beside him. His chest was heaving and his long hair blocked his face from view, but they both knew he was crying from his sobs. He shook violently, frantically looking around the room to see where he was. As he peeked out of the curtain of hair, Tony could see his eyes were wide, red and puffy from crying. Bucky looked terrified. And the sight broke Tony’s heart into little pieces. He wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in blankets and tell him everything was okay, but that wasn’t what would help.

Tony slowly brought his hand up to try to gently place it on Bucky’s knee, provide some comfort. Before he could touch him Bucky saw his hand and flinched back, making Tony retract his hand instantly. 

Bucky shook his head frantically before looking at Tony, “No, no I hurt you! I, I made him,” He pointed a shaky finger at Steve, “made him hurt you! Don’t wanna hurt you...” He shouted between sobs, his breathing quickening. He backed up until he could feel the headboard.

Tony almost wanted to cry. “No no no, Bucky, you know you’re not gonna hurt me.  I  know you’re not gonna hurt me.” He tried, his tone calm and slow so he could understand in his state of panic.

“Buck,” Bucky’s gaze moved to Steve, “You’re not the Winter Soldier.” Cap tried. 

Bucky only began to shake his head again, more tears spilling from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and landing on his shirtless torso. “No.” His eyes screwed shut, “No.”

Tony figured he should let Cap handle this, he was a lot better at calming Bucky down than Tony. Tony was just not so great at feelings.

“You’re not in the HYDRA facility,” Steve continued.

“No...” 

“You’re safe, at home,”

“No...” Bucky didn’t seem to even be processing what Steve was saying, he seemed too distracted by the aftershocks of his dream.

“You’re with me and Tony,” Steve gestured to himself, then to Tony, “HYDRA isn’t controlling you anymore, you’re not going to hurt us.”

Bucky shook his head faster, “No, no...” 

“You didn’t make me do anything, Buck.” He stated calmly, “And look,” Bucky opened his eyes slightly, causing more tears to flood out, “Tony’s right here, he’s completely safe. You didn’t hurt him.” 

That was when Bucky went back into his panic, “Yes I did, I hurt him! You hurt him when he fought me and I helped you! You broke his ark reactor! We left him there to die!” He shouted before covering his face with his hands and sobbing into them a little. 

There was only silence from all of them as the realization sunk in. He was talking about when Tony found out what HYDRA did to his parents, and when Steve tried to protect Bucky from him. They didn’t like to bring it up. They were all in the wrong, mostly Tony, because he had ‘anger issues’ and was a little ‘selfish’. Maybe it wasn’t best to get into the whole ‘I’m a worthless piece of trash’ thing right now, this was about Bucky. Yeah, it took a very, very long time, a lot of fights, lots of forgiveness and understanding, and a lot of confusion from Tony followed by a total break down for them to get where they were now, but they were so happy and they wouldn’t rather be with anyone else. At least, that’s how Tony felt. And he was fine, Steve could have gone for the head, but he didn’t. He gave him a chance and he was still alive. It only left a number of emotional scars that were healed now. Tony was fine. All that was in the past, anyway, and he had zero worries that they would one day realize they were too good for him. 

“I’m sorry... I—“

“No, Bucky, it wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault. You didn’t want to do anything you did. And I love you both more than anything.” Because he did, that was the truth. Every time he looked at them his heart exploded and all he wanted was to make them happy. 

Bucky calmed down the slightest bit. When Steve didn’t speak up, though. Tony looked over at him. He looked back at him,caved in on himself with his eyes red and tears threatening to spill out, biting his bottom lip. That was his guilty and regretful look. 

“Oh, no, no crying from you,” Tony moved over and hooked his arms around Steve’s neck, pulled him down so he could bury his face in his Steve’s shirt that Tony had been wearing to sleep, “If you’re both crying, I’ll cry too. Don’t make me lose my pride like that.” He joked.

Steve chuckled a little from where he was, then he took a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry, Tony...” 

Tony held back the need to cry. He shouldn’t cry, this was about them and not him and he needed to be strong. He rubbed the captain’s back in a comforting manner, “I know you’re sorry, Capsicle. You’ve told me a thousand times before and I’m sure I’ll hear it again, even though I already forgave the both of you.” Tony planted a soft kiss to the top of the blond’s head. “I love you."

Steve nodded into his chest, “I love you, too.” He pulled away and gave him a weak smile. Then, he signalled towards the door with his head. Tony nodded in response and got out of bed to go make Bucky that tea. 

“Buck, listen to me, take a deep breath.” Was the last thing he heard before he walked out if the room and made his way to the kitchen, flipping lights on as he went.

Tony turned on the stove and looked in the kitchen cabinets for Bucky’s little tea pot thing. It was only big enough for one serving, because he was possessive over his tea. Tony turned the sink on and put some hot water into the pot, turned the sink off and then put the pot on the stove. He thought about some of the projects in his workshop as he waited for it to boil. He had thought it best to think about that rather than anything else. Work was important. He was working on upgrading his suits, making them faster, stronger, more accessible when he was in sudden danger. He’d also been wanting to do something for Bucky’s arm, wanted to make it more durable for him, maybe more flexible. And Cap needed a costume change, that suit still did nothing for his ass. Plus, you know, he needs more protection or whatever.

Once Tony noticed the water was boiling, he went back into the cabinets and got a teabag. He put the teabag into the pot and stirred with a spoon after a while. A yawn escaped his lips as he reached up and grabbed some sugar for it. Bucky did like his sugar. He stirred the liquid once again and took the pot off the stove when it was done. Tony grabbed Bucky’s mug from the cabinet above the sink, then he poured all the tea into it, turned the stove off, put the dirty dishes in the sink, and turned the kitchen light off as he walked back to the room with the cup in hand. 

He opened the door as gently as possible, peeking through the crack to see how everything was going. The two super soldiers were hugging each other tightly, Bucky clinging onto Steve’s back like his life depended on it while the latter rubbed his back in a soothing pattern. Bucky’s chin rested on the other’s shoulder, he’d stopped crying and only dry tear streaks were left along with puffy red eyes. He was sure that Steve was the only one that was crying anymore, based on his unsteady breathing and the way his shoulders were shaking a little. Bucky looked up at him when he heard the door open, prompting Steve to pull away and turn, too. Tony was right, there were a few tears streaming down his cheeks.

Tony strode over to them, making sure to close the door behind him, and placed Bucky’s tea on the nightstand beside him so he could drink it whenever he wanted. Then his hand stretched out and cupped the slope of Steve’s cheek, thumb darting up to wipe some tears away. He did the same with Bucky, cracked a smile for them to try and lighten their moods, and planted a soft kiss on both of their foreheads. 

“Hey, doll,” Bucky said weakly, his voice cracking a little. 

“Hi Buckaroo,” Tony’s voice was gentle and reassuring, and it made the other brunette visibly relax.

They then shifted in order to make room for Tony. Steve ended up glued to Bucky’s side, wrapped around him in every way possible, but Bucky’s arms were still free, and so was a spot on his lap. Bucky reached his arms out to Tony, asking him to cuddle with them. And how was he supposed to say no to that? He leaned down a little, only for Bucky to grab his hips and pull him down into them. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and squeezed him tightly, maybe to make sure he was really there, maybe just for comfort. Tony was rearranged to Bucky’s liking, and so he was snuggled up in his lap, fingers intertwined with the hands around his torso. Bucky did always say that Tony was ‘like a big teddy bear’, and it wasn’t like he minded being cuddled by his super idiots. 

Bucky held him tight, breathed him in from the crook of his neck. It was something he did when he needed to reassure himself that Tony... loved him. It stung to think about how Bucky doubted it, but it only happened at times like these and Tony understood why. Besides, it wasn’t like he didn’t have his moments, either. All he could do was make sure to shower his boyfriends with love whenever he could, and he thought he was doing a pretty good job at it. So, Tony dislodged one of his hands and brought it up to card his finger’s trough Bucky’s hair, then down to his cheek and he tilted his face so they were both looking at each other.

Tony looked straight into those sad grey-blue eyes, albeit a little sternly, “I love you, Bucky.” He said, his tone also a little stern, “I love you so much you couldn’t ever comprehend it. Okay?” 

Bucky paused for a split second, then he nodded repeatedly. It was another thing he did to convince himself, because he really did know that they both loved him, but his mind just convinced him otherwise sometimes. “I know... I know.” He choked out, “I love you, too.”

“And that applies to  both  of you.” He stated firmly once he turned his head to look over at Steve. 

Steve nodded as well, “I know, Tones,” he wiped the last few tears from his face. “I love you both, too.”

“I love you...” Bucky repeated it again and again, as if they didn’t understand that he loved him just as much as they did him (they obviously did). It was said once with a kiss to Tony’s shoulder, then with a kiss to his hand, then a kiss to Steve’s cheek, followed by one on his lips. 

When he was done, Tony tapped him lightly to get his attention, pointing at the night stand where the tea was. “Drink,” Tony said, eager to get something that would help Bucky in his system, because God knew it hurt to see him like this, “I didn’t make that shit for nothing.”

That comment cracked a smile from both super soldiers. Bucky even snorted out a laugh from behind him before reaching over and taking the cup into his hands. He sipped it and visibly relaxed a little. “Thanks, doll.” Bucky’s voice was a low mumble, he must have been feeling the tired coming back to him.

Tony only hummed in response.

“You know, for how much you hate tea, you sure know how to make it.” Tony could hear the grin in his voice, and that made him smile, too, even if the comment annoyed him. 

Tony reached up placed his hand over the other’s face, “Oh, shut up.” He chuckled, making his boyfriends laugh. 

And so, they stayed like that until Bucky stopped shaking and feeling the suffocating anxiety that came with his night terrors. This was definitely one of the worse ones. He’d rarely ever seen Bucky react that gravely. Maybe it was time for him to start seeing someone about those night terrors. Tony’d have to convince him that morning. Right now, though, they were all tired and could only think of cuddling. 

Once Bucky had finished his tea and put the cup back on the nightstand, he spoke up, “Thank you, both of you.” His voice was weak and tired, but genuine as ever.

Steve gave him a comforting squeeze, “Don’t thank us, you know very well that we’ll always be here for you.”

Bucky managed a weak but sincere smile, “Yeah... yeah, I know.” He admitted, “I’m sorry I doubt it sometimes, it’s just...”

Tony squeezed his hand, “No, it’s okay, sugar, we understand. You know you’re not the only one that has those thoughts from time to time.” Because they did know what it felt like. Both Steve and Tony had their moments where they thought they weren’t good enough, but they were always short lived. 

When Bucky only nodded, Tony dislodged himself from their tangle. They looked at him, pouty that he moved away. He chuckled to himself, “Come on, you two. Sleep time.” He said, lifting up the bed sheets so they could settle down easily. 

They wordlessly obliged, not separating as the laid back and Tony pulled the covers over them. He then laid in the bed and made to get comfortable, the lights turning off by themselves. Bucky was squished between them, on his back, Steve on his right and Tony on his left. Tony tucked himself under his metal arm, nuzzling his face into his chest in the process, his legs wrapped around one of Bucky’s and his arms around his waist. Steve was in pretty much the same boat, except he reached for Tony’s hand and interlaced their fingers together, to which he wasn’t complaining. Tony watched their chests rise and fall in the darkness of the room, listening to Bucky’s heartbeat and more steady breaths. Steve was the first one to fall asleep that night, hesitantly followed by Bucky a few moments afterwards. Tony took his time, watched over his boyfriends as he battled off sleep. He liked it like this, when the world was asleep and it was just him. He could just watch and make sure that the loves of his life were okay. Because he loved them with everything he had, and it was his job to protect them. Eventually, the warmth of being snuggled in the bed with the super soldiers mixed with the comforting smell of Bucky pulled him into sleep, made him drowsier by the second until he finally gave in. 

Tony came home exhausted. He’d had endless meetings and spent countless hours in the workshop the past week due to some new demands from SHIELD. As he stepped out of the elevator and onto the floor he shared with Steve and Bucky, hanging up his jacket, all that was on his mind was taking a bath, eating some toast, and getting in the middle of a super soldier sandwich at bed time. He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything else at the moment, he needed to relax a little and he missed his boyfriends do that’s what would be taking up his entire weekend. Steve and Bucky had been lounging in the couch, watching some old show, only to get up as soon as they heard Tony come in and excitedly greet him. Good God, he was dating two golden retrievers.

Steve grinned at him, tightly wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him closer, and tenderly kissed him on the lips. Bucky then came up behind him and planted his hands on Tony’s shoulders, rubbing at the knots in his muscles with his magical hands and causing the mechanic to roll his neck a few times. Tony practically melted into their hold.

Tony closed his eyes and cracked a blissful smile, “You two sure are happy to see me.” He chuckled.

Bucky greeted him with his own soft kiss when Tony turned his head to give access. They both hummed happily. “‘Was worried ‘bout you all day. Couldn’t stop talking about how much we missed you.” Bucky mumbled into his ear, his own smile in his voice. 

Steve let out a little puff of air, the one he did when he was annoyed. Tony always found it unreasonably adorable. “Shut up, Buck, you did it too.” He grumbled.

“Wasn’t talking ‘bout you, punk.” He grinned at Steve, his tone amused, and earned himself a light smack on the shoulder. 

Tony’s heart swelled with affection. They were way too perfect for him. He let himself sway in their arms for a little longer, blissfully enjoying their warmth as he breathed them in, as Bucky kept massaging the tension out of his shoulders. 

Right when he was about to pull away, he felt Steve tugging at his tie until is was lose around his neck, then move on to unbuttoning the first few buttons of his work shirt, “Why don’t you go take a bath and we’ll bring you some toast before bed?” He proposed.

Tony smiled, “You know me too damn well, Rogers.” 

Just before he could go, one of Bucky’s hands travelled down to his butt and gave it a little playful smack. Tony startled a little, but he shot him a flirty wink over his shoulder, a huge grin on his face. He made his way into their bedroom, grabbedsome boxers and one of Steve’s shirt that Bucky had been wearing the day before, and walked into the bathroom. He wasted no time in telling JARVIS to fill up the bathtub, adding a generous amount of bubbles, and sliding in. His muscled slowly loosened as they came to contact with the hot water, and he laid back. 

Tony finished quickly, he was too tired and he didn’t want to fall asleep in the bath again. He stepped out and got himself dressed, enjoying how the shirt looked on him and how it smelled like both Steve and Bucky. Once he walked out of the bathroom, he saw his boyfriends sitting up on the bed, their legs stretched out in front of them and their backs resting on the headboard. They turned to look at him with grins on their faces, and Tony wasted no time walking over and squishing himself between them. Steve handed him a plate with toast on it, telling him to better eat all of it. Tony complied, and soon they were all cuddled under the covers. Tony resting his hands and head on Steve’s chest, Bucky pressed behind him with his hand on Steve’s hip. Tony could barely keep his eyes open, he was the first to fall asleep. 

And suddenly, he was in his Iron Man suit, shooting himself like a missile into the sky while carrying a device that would bring certain doom to the world. He went higher and higher, not daring to look down or to think. Thinking would mean second thoughts, thinking would mean acknowledging the danger of what he was doing, and he didn’t need that. All he needed to do was go higher, bring the alien device up into the rift that connected the sky and space. There were lasers being shot at him, missiles he had to avoid, but he pressed on. Because everything that mattered was on that planet. Even as he got lightheaded, even as he needed to gasp for air until he couldn’t feel his throat because the air around him was getting thinner, disappearing, he didn’t stop. 

And then he couldn’t anymore.

He was able to let go when he needed to, but he didn’t know if it would stay or fall. He was too weak to even care at that point. His eyes closed by themselves, his mind slipping away from him no matter how hard he tried to hold on. And he was falling. Plummeting to the ground, helpless, death hot on his heals and certain to catch up. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t even move. He was weak. A failure in everyone’s eyes. Why couldn’t he do more? Why didn’t he do more? All he cared about was himself, his worthless, weak self. There was no reason for him to survive the fall, no reason for him to want to survive the fall. Because no one would care. 

But that couldn’t be true, he thought as the image of two beautiful faces crossed his mind, the wind still in his ears, Steve and Bucky loved him, they would be devastated if he died. Wouldn’t they? He was horrible to them sometimes. He didn’t deserve them. They were perfect, so kind and smart and beautiful, and he was just... Tony. Boring, simple, garbage Tony. There was no way that they loved him as much as they claimed to, no way anyone like them could be with anyone like him. All he did was intrude on their love. He should stop being such a burden. 

Tony’s muscles ached terribly, he wished he could just cut his limbs off. Shed them and be free of the pain. His head and heart were pounding in his ears, although he was able to make out the sound of lasers. He couldn’t move, couldn’t evade them. But the pit in his stomach, the ache in his heart were all the more painful. Tears spilled out of his eyes without his permission. He felt them spill out, and they wouldn’t stop no matter how hard he tried. A voice too familiar in the back of his head kept screaming at him, “Be a man!”, “Real men don’t cry!”, “I can’t have a scrawny little runt like you taking over my company!”, “All you seem to be able to do is disappoint me!”, “You’ll never be enough!”, “You don’t deserve love!”, “You think you’re so smart?”. Over and over again. And one meek, tiny whisper that completely broke him, “Do you really think that we ever loved you?”.

All he could register was an explosion above him, sending him down even faster. He seized to think. Seized to cry. It all happened too quickly. He felt the ground hit his back, so hard he couldn’t feel it. It was pain too great for him to comprehend. So he just laid there, tired out of his mind and waiting for death to take him.

But it didn’t. He stayed there, motionless. Surely, it was impossible for him to still be alive. Why was he alive, god damn it! Couldn’t he just rest. He wasn’t good enough to be alive, all he was was a waste of space, a waste of air. 

“Get up! Don’t be such a weakling!”, Tony opened his eyes and looked around him. The ground was purely stone, the sky dark, the plants around him seemingly deteriorating by the second. He tried to pull himself to his feet, every part of him complaining so loud he could hear it. He couldn’t do it. He fell to his knees and slumped down, gasping for air. “Get up, you worthless piece of trash! Try harder!”. Tony tried. He really did. But he just kept falling. Then he noticed a large boulder nearby. He crawled towards it, his mouth tasting of foul metal. When he pulled himself up, he thought his legs might snap beneath him. 

It didn’t matter when his vision cleared, because the sight before him was a thousand times worse. Despair built itself up inside of him in crashing waves. Too much of it to think clearly. All he could do was stand and watch, helpless, as his teammates all turned into nothing. The hole in his stomach grew, so much that he though it might swallow him whole. 

Peter fell into his arms, he felt too heavy for him to carry, but it wasn’t important. The kid clung to him for dear life, Tony could feel the fear coming off of him. And Tony couldn’t do anything. He stammered and pleaded, begging to stay with him because he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want Tony to let him go, he liked being with them, with him. He was just a kid, he didn’t want to die. Tony held him tight, even as it felt like he was shedding in his arms. He tried to hold him together, to keep him from going just like he was afraid to. But Tony failed again. Peter disintegrated in his arms, like he was nothing. 

“Tony?”

Tony barely had time to process it, his eyes wide as he looked down at his hands and more and more despair settled into him. He looked up and saw Bucky. Tony called out to him, noticing how some dust was flying off of him, and tried to limp towards him. Bucky didn’t even spare him a glance. That wasn’t normal. Bucky always acknowledged Tony. He was preoccupied by something, running towards something that seemed pretty important. He didn’t get to do what he wanted. He turned to dust right before his eyes, just like Peter, and that was it. One of the loves of his life was reduced to a pile of dust and a gun on the ground, ready for the wind to sweep it away like it meant nothing. Tony couldn’t even scream, he only reached out and let out a weak “No...”.

“Doll...”

Just like that, half of his team, his closest friends, were gone. 

Tony looked around, desperate to find Steve. He spotted the other half of The Avengers, laying on the ground just like he had been before, either already dead or steadily making their way there. He spotted Steve on the ground, his eyes wide and foggy, like all the life had been stripped out of them. His shield was next to him, broken in half. Tony ignored the excruciating pain he felt, almost like he couldn’t feel it, and he ran — speed walked, really — to his side. He fell to his knees, feeling like the last string that was holding him up just snapped. He looked down at his beloved, so much despair in him that he was almost numb. He couldn’t cry no matter how much he wanted to. All he could do was shake and look at Steve. 

“Tony...”

Tony’s hand moved to Steve’s chest, he didn’t know why, maybe there was a part of him that hoped Steve was still there. He flinched back, gasping, when both of Steve’s hands gripped his wrist. Tony’s eyes flew wide open, and Steve let out hoarse words that were laced with death, “You... could’ve saved... us...” He spoke between gasps of air, the last word barely a whisper. 

“Tony.”

There was another voice after that, more clear like it was talking into his ear, “Why didn’t you do more?” It was Steve’s voice, loud and clear. But it wasn’t possible, he was laying dead in front of Tony. It was like his spirit rose out of his body and spoke to him. Tony couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. All he could do was stare down at him, helpless. If Steve said it, then it had to be true. 

This was all his fault. Everyone that mattered was gone because of him. And now, Tony was alone. “I’m sorry...” He finally sobbed out.

“Tony... Tony!”

Tony shot up, gasping for air and shaking uncontrollably. He felt incredibly hot, and he noticed that the pain in his body was gone. The despair and fear, though, weren’t. How could they be? He just watched everyone he loved die. 

Suddenly, there was a hand on his knee. A gentle, comforting touch that still made him flinch since he wasn’t expecting it. It retreated as soon as he did, making him miss the comfort that came with it immediately. Then, he started to process everything around him. His suit was gone, he was wearing Steve’s shirt instead. He was in their room, sitting up on their bed. And Steve and Bucky were sitting in front of him, watching him with concerned eyes. A giant wave of relief washed over him, although there was still a small amount of fear settled in his gut. They were alive. They were fine, there, in front of him. He took a deep breath. It was only a dream.

Steve and Bucky had their own system for when Tony had nightmares. They would stay up with him and calm him down until he felt better, then they would make sure he fell asleep feeling safe. And it worked, really, it did. Just, not completely. To their credit, though, Tony had never asked them to provide more comfort than that. He was told that he only twitched, shook, mumbled, and occasionally cried in his sleep when he had a nightmare. He just didn’t think his nightmares were that bad compared to theirs. It was no big deal. He didn’t panic like Steve did or have night screams like Bucky. What they gave him was more than enough, and the fact that he’d be too scared to sleep for a while was his own problem that he didn’t need to bother his boyfriends with. 

“Tones, are you alright?” Steve’s gentle voice traveled into his ears, making him feel safer by the word.

“‘M fine, I just...” he panted. Tony looked up at them, just a little embarrassed and feeling slightly pathetic. That was when he noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks, and he quickly wiped them away. “Just need to catch my breath.”

Bucky scooted closer and reached up to wipe his tears away, “Are you sure?” He asked, “That looked like a bad one.”

Tony nudged himself into Bucky’s lap and cuddled up until he got comfy, still seeking comfort to wash the fear away, “No, nothing like that.” He swallowed dryly, thoroughly enjoying it when Bucky wrapped his arms around him, “Just left me a little shaken up, that’s all.”

“Tony,” Cap’s voice was stern but laced with concern, “you know you can talk about it if you need to, you don’t have to keep anything from us.” 

Tony knew. He knew that they loved him unconditionally and would never look at him like he was weak or berate him for having emotions. But he just didn’t want to bother them with his stuff. Tony knew that it was ridiculous to be scared of some little nightmares, but he just couldn’t help it. The least he could do was spare the embarrassment on his part and the worry on theirs. 

“I know, Capsicle.” He rolled his eyes before reaching out in his general direction and making grabby hands.

Steve sighed, but still crawled over to join their tangle. Tony breathed them in, revelled in their warmth, focused on how it made him feel nice when they held him like this, anything that would repress the lingering fear in his system. After a few quiet moments, though, Tony began to notice how Bucky was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, and how Steve was stifling a few yawns. Eventually, Tony was able to coax them into laying back down the way they were before. He snuggled into them so they would fall asleep, but tried not to get too comfortable. They knocked out almost immediately. Tony didn’t. 

He stayed awake, his heart still beating a little too fast, and listened to their breathing. Maybe just to reassure himself. You see, when Tony had nightmares, he wouldn’t go back to sleep. He  couldn’t . Sleeping after one meant that there would be more, as Tony tended to have periods of time with nightmares. Sometimes a few days, sometimes a few weeks. The lingering fear made him feel paranoid, and he’s be uselessly awake in bed the entire night. What’s worse, the things he’d heard in his dream would come back and repeat themselves, over and over and over. He had no choice but to listen to them in the quiet of the room, no matter how hard he tried to concentrate on Steve and Bucky’s soft breathing. The voices would always win in the end, always convinced him to go down into the workshop to do more until he passed out from sleep deprivation. The process wasn’t great, but it worked. When Tony was too tired to stay awake, he would crash and his brain would be too tired to come up with any kind of dream, much less nightmares. 

So, he lifted Steve’s arms off of him with no issue, with how much of a heavy sleeper he was. The problem would be Bucky. He would always wake up to the slightest of movements. When Tony wriggled in his grasp to try and loosen his grip, Bucky stirred, mumbled, and only held on tighter. Tony turned so he could see his face and make sure he wasn’t awake.

Bucky took a breath in, “Where’re you goin’, Doll?” He slurred, voice heavy with sleep and his eyes closed.

Tony softened at the sight of Bucky barely being able to stay awake. He couldn’t help but admit it was adorable, and that his voice almost made Tony purr. Maybe he was a little tired. “I just need to take a pee.” He lied, knowing full well his boyfriend would be way too tired to catch on, “I’ll be right back.”

“Mm, gross.” He hummed, a small smile on his face as he lifted his arm up to let the other crawl out of bed. Tony chuckled and did just that, careful not to wake Steve up, too.

As he walked to the door, he looked back at them, happy to notice that Bucky already went back to sleep. He had scooted closer to Steve, although he still left room for Tony. He smiled, but couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty. Well, it wasn’t like it was a complete lie, he would be back in bed later like he’d been there all night. It’s just that he was going down to the workshop. He knew that they didn’t like it when he would work rather than sleep, but he just had to go down there. What if something else happened? What if there was an attack tomorrow and they didn’t have the resources to stop it? It would be Tony’s fault for not making good equipment in time. He had to do more. He just had too much now, and he couldn’t lose it. Tony walked out as quietly as possible.

On his way to the workshop, he stopped by the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. He’d be staying up for a while, so he needed the fuel. Once he finally found himself where he wanted to be, he set the cup down on his workbench and rolled his chair over so he could get to work. Tony pulled up the blueprints for some ideas he had from said workbench. He scrolled through the holograms idly, looking to see what he wanted to do first. Then, he came across three blueprints which he pulled up, putting the rest of them away for the time being. 

The first one was for Peter’s next upgrade for his Spiderman suit. The second for an upgrade to Bucky’s arm, only if he let him do it, that is. And the third was his idea for Cap’s new suit. He skimmed his past notes on them and examined the holographic models in front of him, searching for flaws and solutions and better ideas. Tony had a supply of vibranium stored, courtesy of T’Challa and Shuri, after he’d gained their trust to use it wisely and keep it at utmost secrecy. Plus, he’d agreed to some form of great punishment that he currently couldn’t remember if he broke their agreement. There were many conditions in that contract, but he respected it and knew he was allowed to use it for Avenger purposes. Shuri was a great kid, basically became Peter’s best friend instantly and became another one of Tony’s unofficial children. She even taught him how to use vibranium in the most efficient way, so now he knew how to embed it in clothing. They’d learned a lot from each other, mostly Tony from her, so now they were pretty close. 

He planned to use it for their suits. Not completely, but embed it in so that they would be a lot more protected. He could find a way to get more of it into Bucky’s arm, if not make another arm for him completely. Oh! Maybe there was a way to—

“Ahem!” 

Tony jumped at the sudden sound, whipped around to face the door, only to find two very disapproving and tired super soldiers crossing their arms as they looked at him. Oh fuck. This was exactly what he didn’t want. He quickly snapped out of it, motioning with his arm for the workbench to turn off, as if they hadn’t already seen it. 

He gave them a way too sweet and innocent smile, trying to act as natural as possible, even though he’d already been caught red handed, “Oh, hello my darlings, loves of my life!” He fumbled, his voice higher than usual as he leaned on the table as casually as he could, “What, uh, what are you two doing up?

Steve gave an exasperated sigh, giving him a look that asked ‘Did you seriously just try that?’ and bringing one hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Tony, we’ve been over this.” He said, “You need to sleep, you can’t just work yourself to death!” 

Tony felt the guilt claw it’s way from his gut and up his neck, he felt like a dog with it’s tail between it’s hind legs, “I know, I just, I have to do work, I can’t—“ He stammered, “I just have to.” 

“No, what you have to do is sleep.” Steve shot back, his tone stern but laced with concern.

Tony looked away, looking for any excuse that didn’t involve having to burden them with more of his issues. “I just can’t sleep, so I need to work.”

They exchanged a look, “Well, why can’t you sleep?” Bucky asked, gentle as ever. 

Tony wanted to tell them. Hell, the words almost flew out of his mouth before he pursed his lips. They were just so worried. That was what Tony didn’t want. “I just can’t, okay?” 

They both shared another look, then visibly deflated. Steve let out a defeated sigh, “Fine, then.” He said, “You can stay here, we’re going to bed.” So, he turned to walk out as Bucky stayed and looked at Tony, only to begin to follow Steve.

Fuck, he fucked up. Shit shit, what was he supposed to do? Do something, you can’t just push them away! “St— Buc— Hey, I admit it!” The words desperately flew out of him before he could even think about what to say. 

Steve and Bucky slowed down, turning to look at him. He held his hands up in front of him in surrender, “My fault... I’m sorry.” His mind was racing, he didn’t dare think too long or he would fumble and they would walk away again. 

He took a few steps closer, dropping his hands to his sides, “I’m a piping hot mess.” He admitted, his mouth still open as he looked for something else to say. He crossed his arms over his chest for a moment, feeling all too vulnerable under their gaze, but let them drop as he realized that he didn’t have to be defensive around them. They loved him, somehow, and all they ever did was support him. He took a deep breath, “It’s been going on for a long time, and I’m sure both of you know already. Just, haven’t told you how bad it really is.”

His boyfriends slowly walked back to where they were before, listening intently to what he had to say. They understood how hard it was for Tony to open up. 

“I have a lot of stuff.” He said, “And it comes back to me a lot, and when that happens I can get a little closed off.”

“Oh, really? We hadn’t noticed.” Bucky stated sarcastically.

Tony let the comment slide. “I’ve experienced a ton of shit, stuff that I can’t forget, stuff that I couldn’t understand before, and stuff that holds me back. I never told you how bad it really is because...” He looked away, bit his lip, “because I know that you two had it way worse than me, and I didn’t want to bother you with something so stupid.”

He looked up at them, feeling like he was punched in the gut as soon as he saw their faces. Sad, wide eyes, parted lips. Two kicked puppies looking right at him. Tony’s heart shattered completely. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” He quickly backtracked.

“No, no, no.” They unanimously reassured him just as fast.

“Tones,” Steve’s voice was soft, “just because we’ve been through a lot, doesn’t mean that you haven’t. Our pain doesn’t out-pain yours.” 

Bucky took a few steps closer. “Pain is pain, doll. Less or more doesn’t matter here. We love you, and we’re here for you always. We want to know what bothers you and we want to know when you’re not okay so we can help you. It doesn’t matter if you think we’ve been through worse, it’s our job to make you feel better.”

Tony could have cried. He should have known, they were too damn good to him. He sat down on the edge of his workbench and took a deep breath before continuing, “The only reason I haven’t cracked up is because you’re always here, and to me that’s always been enough.” He admitted, his voice cracking before he cleared his throat.

“This,” he signalled between the three of them with a small smile, “This is great. I  love you with everything I have, I’m lucky.” He said, the amount of sincerity in his voice unusual to him. It was true. He loved them so, so much. He didn’t know what holy power was on his side when he got together with them. 

“But,” he waved his hands around, looking for a way to say it, “I can’t sleep.” He put it simply. “When I have those dreams, after you do what you can to comfort me, you go to bed, I come down here, I do what I know I can.” 

“The nightmares, they...” Tony could barely look at them, his eyes flickering between them and the floor. He wasn’t great with feelings. “They can last weeks. And I hate them, they just don’t stop. So I work until I pass out, because when I pass out, I won’t have them anymore. Sometimes I can stay awake for a few days or a couple of weeks.”

“Tony...” Steve’s voice was filled with worry and understanding.

“I tinker.” He said, helpless, “They remind me that the threat is imminent, and I have to protect what I can’t live without.” He signalled towards them with his hand, and looked away, “That’s you two.”

Before they could say anything, he kept talking, “I have too much to lose. Somehow, I got lucky enough that you two love me as much as I love you, and I can’t lose that. I can’t lose you.” He admitted, feeling way too helpless for his liking, “I have to do more. I can’t just sit by, knowing that anything can happen, and not do enough about it.”

“Tony, you do do enough. You do  more than enough! Look around you,” Bucky motioned all around the workshop, “stop and think about everything you’ve done before. The Avengers couldn’t even function without you.”

“You’re our genius mechanic.” Steve said, his voice all too gentle.

They did have a point, he guessed. He just didn’t feel like it was enough. Still, their words made him feel a slight bit better. 

Tony motioned around him, “This is all...”

“Machines.” Steve cut in.

“It’s a part of me.” He said.

“It’s a distraction.” Bucky said, the tone in his voice the one he used to convince him.

Tony looked down, then he was finally able to look them in the eyes. He just felt so vulnerable. It was nice, in a way. He was finally able to talk to people that he trusted, people that he knew loved him. It felt good to get it off his chest. “Maybe...” he admitted.

Wordlessly, they walked the few steps to him. Steve gently brought his hands up to the sides of his head, combing through his hair in a comforting manner. Tony looked up at them before letting his head fall to Steve’s chest. He felt Bucky wrap an arm around his waist from behind him, his other hand in Tony’s hair. Tony let one hand rove over Steve’s back, while the other lightly squeezed Bucky’s arm. It was a small gesture, nothing too significant, really, but hell if it didn’t make Tony feel so much better. What did he do to deserve them? 

Steve pulled away, hands still in Tony’s hair, so that the mechanic could look up into those beautiful blue eyes. Before the blond could speak up, Tony’s mouth decided to go on autopilot, “You’re so pretty.” He blurted, dopey smile one his face.

Bucky snickered behind him, Steve only rolling his eye with a small flustered expression, “Tony...” He sighed.

“Well, he’s not wrong.” Bucky teased behind him.

“Don’t enable him, it’s too late for your flirt battles.” Steve scolded him, although it held no real threat. Then, he looked back down at Tony, “Let’s get to bed.” It was more of a statement than a request.

Still, Tony was hesitant. Yeah, he felt a lot calmer, but he knew that he would probably have another nightmare again. Bucky seemed to sense his unease, “Hey, don’t worry, we’ll be right next to you the whole night. Okay?” 

Tony thought it over for a minute, but he eventually nodded slowly. As he made to stand up, he let out a small chuckle, “We’re all messed up.”

Steve hummed in response, “Yeah, but at least we’re messed up together.”

Tony guessed he had a point. 

He still didn’t know what intergalactic lottery he won in order to have his two knights in shining armour.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you SO much for reading! Kudos and comments are deeply appreciated <3! If you wanna come scream at me on Tumblr, you can find me @Oddlyterrifyingsquiggle


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